Tuesday, May 25, 2010


On Sunday, I was working at the Market. It was a sunny day and rather quiet. A guy wandered into the stall and started picking up produce. My work colleague said to me "oh my god. That guy is a competitor on MasterChef!" and proceeded to tell me how obsessed she is with the show.

He eventually came up to the register and I served him. He got the usual array of winter warming vegetables and some radishes. I asked him "Hey, what would you do with these guys?" thinking that he would have some brilliant idea that would blow my tiny mind. His response was "Oh you know, I'd slice them thinly on a mandolin (?) and then pop them in a salad."

The look of disappointment on my face must have been obvious. He asked me "Aren't you impressed by that?!" and I said "well, I guess. It seems okay." and he laughed, paid for his vegetables and left.

I'm no masterchef competitor, but even I know you can throw a couple of chopped radishes in a salad. I wanted more, and this season, I seem to be having the exact same problem with the show.


p.s. hi blog! it's been a while! x

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Vietnam - Part 2

I don’t think I’ve ever been so filthy in my entire life. Not only was I sweaty and covered in sunscreen most of the time but everything in the atmosphere stuck to my skin or hair. The main towns stank like a rancid combination of rotting anything and everything and pollution. I stank like rotting and was covered in dirt the whole time I was there. I got fed up with showering and getting dirty again so I took some time off showering. This proved to be a worthy exercise as my own sweat smelt better than most towns.

I mentioned in my earlier post that I got pretty (seriously) sick. It started when I was in Dalat and didn’t end until 2 weeks later after a couple of days in Epworth Eastern in Box Hill. I don’t like talking much about it but I’ll tell you this- I spent my nine hour stopover in Kuala Lumpur locked in a disabled toilet alternating between vomiting and sitting on the toilet crying, terrified that I was too sick to be allowed to fly home. I had bloated to the point that I looked like I was either 6 months pregnant or carrying six kilos of heroin. I wanted someone to pat my hair, give me some painkillers and magically get me home. This moment will probably also appear on my worst list of 2009 if I can be bothered writing one.

This post could be about Na Trang overall really. Na Trang is how I imagine Thailand would be. It was full of prostitutes, dirty old men, steak restaurants and rats. Gross. At night, we went to a bar called the Sailing Club and got drunk and leered at old men with their hired (and much younger) lady friends. Once the dancefloor kicked off we spent our evenings dancing to shitty music and leaping over the rats that would occasionally cross the floor from behind the bar to the toilets. At first I was horrified, and then I was drunk and thought it was funny. I woke up the next morning and was horrified again. I didn’t take a single photo in Na Trang and I have no regrets about this.

Oh man, this is going to sound incredibly insensitive but the begging and relentless poverty really got me down. As soon as you left your hotel room it started and it didn’t stop until you shut your hotel room door that evening. I understand that it’s a third world country and that getting ahead is next to impossible due to their government being the way it is (I’m not going to get started here). I just found that it really mentally wore me down. Seeing such extreme poverty made my heart break. Being chased by a man with no legs for money made my brain break.

I’ve only been on one tour so far but I suspect there is a slightly mentally unwell, recently separated person on each tour. Lucky me, she was my roomie for the entire fucking tour. From day one, I knew she was crazy. I often get accosted by the crazy so I’m pretty confident in my crazy sensing abilities. She would ignore me for two days, then get drunk and try and kiss me. Then she’d try and be my bestie, then get drunk and go missing for a 15 hour period, then ignore me again. Then she’d cry, tell me she was jealous of me and then ignore me again. It was weird, and 18 days of it really started to piss me off and scare me a little. Let’s just say that after her last bender, I was too afraid to sleep in the same room as her. I ended up getting my own room for a couple of nights just to have a break from her. Thankfully, I never have to see her again but her crazy, maniacal and anxiety laden laugh is etched into my brain forever.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Vietnam Part 1

So, I should probably post some stuff about my holiday. I had an alright time. I got pretty sick and came home to spend four days in hospital which has tainted my travel experience a bit but I did a lot of awesome stuff. Here is a best and worst list (which are terribly hip around this time of year) of some stuff I saw and some stuff that happened.


I fell utterly in love with these creatures. Every time I saw one my heart skipped a beat, I got clammy hands and wanted to squeal. I had to stop myself from running up to one and throwing my arms around its neck. They were always just hanging out in giant puddles of mud with ducks as bodyguards watching the world go by. Whilst roaming rural Vietnam I was chased by one in the dark when I was a bit tipsy and I still love them. 2.

I had my own private three week tofu festival. I ate it raw, scrambled, deep fried, steamed, made to look like little sea creatures and in desert. It was awesome. It may have been my love of tofu that resulted in the hospital visit but I do not regret the tofu festival. Not for a moment. Highlights were “tofu dressed as little shrimp”, tofu curry baguettes, and tofu with tomato sauce which is more of a Napoli sauce then “dead horse”. I love you tofu… I love you Vietnam for what you do with it.

I met an elephant and he tried to get into my pants. True story! We went to an elephant park that was like a sanctuary for these giant cheeky creatures. I had brought them some fruit as a present on my way there. I hung out with the elephant for a bit and fed him all the fruit I had. He started searching me for more food and opened my courier bag, sniffed my hair and then tried to get his trunk into my shorts. Too cute.

Whenever we visited a temple, I ate like a Queen. On my Birthday we went to a temple that was about 5km inland from China Beach and near Hoi An. We climbed 440 stairs to what I think was the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen. At the top of the stairs we met a tiny monk who had some vegan cake which he gave me. He then gave me some to take home with me (it was appreciated on the 10 hour train ride let me tell you!). Every single time I went to a temple I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to help in the garden, nap in the grass and just appreciate what was around me.

We spent some time in Dalat which is on top of a mountain. The weather was a cool 18 degrees, the people were indifferent (unlike everywhere else where everyone wanted to touch my pale skin) and the architecture was very French. There was a vegetarian market full of mock meat, lovely coffee, fresh vegetables and you needed to sleep under a duvet at night (which made me terribly homesick). Whilst around Dalat we had a look at a minority village, saw the palace of the last king and walked around lover’s lake which was terribly romantic. It felt a bit like Paris meets Carlton North to be honest. No wonder I loved it there.

Worst List to come shortly.

Monday, September 28, 2009

smug tram bug.

I leave for Vietnam in about a week. To be honest, I've been a bit blase about the whole thing. I knew it was coming up but hadn't put too much thought into it. Yesterday, I started packing and writing some lists and I got a little excited.

This morning whilst standing at the tram stop in the miserable cold and rain I checked the weather in Hanoi... It's currently a sunny 27 degrees and suddenly it hit me. I got so excited that my heart skipped a beat.

The whole tram trip I had a smug grin on my face, knowing that I am only 7 days away from t-shirt weather.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I’ve done all the dumb things…

I’ve done some really dumb things today. “How dumb?” I hear you say! “How is this different from any other day full of you doing dumb things?” I hear others ask! Well… So dumb I don’t think I can even really explain it here. It’s long winded and would show far too much of my irrational, jealous, insecure side which is just not fit for the internets (or sane people). What has surprised me today was my willingness to put my hand up and say “Hi! I know I fucked up and I am so very sorry. I’ll be in the corner alternating between beating myself up and scoffing my vegan humble pie(s). Come visit me. I’m the one wearing the dunce hat!”

Normally, I would seek justification for my stupid action. I would say “yeah I was kind of wrong but…” and find some thing somewhere in the universe (moon cycles, sleep deprivation, watching twin peaks too close to bedtime) to explain my utter crappiness. It doesn’t necessarily make me feel better, it doesn’t really sort the dumb thing out and I don’t like that I am kinda good at finding these excuses and justifying them…

Today, I just shot my hand straight the in the air and admitted that I was being terrible. And irrational. And out of line. That I was behaving like a twit, but I couldn’t stop (not becuase it felt SO good let me tell you!), and that I was genuinely sorry for it. I am still mortified and terribly embarrassed by my behaviour, and I still wish today had never happened. I plan to go home, make myself a cup of tea and stick my head under my duvet until the morning but I know it’s not the end of the world. I don’t anticipate that things are going to be great for a couple of days, I do however think that they will be okay after I’ve had my fill of pie.

munch munch