Today.
cm: Hello, How can I help you?
caller: Hello, my son is doing the Certificate II course but he can't fill out the form.
cm: ok, what part of the form is he having trouble with?
caller: the course title. he doesn't know what to write in the course title.
cm: errr.. so we are talking about certificate II?
caller: yeah...
cm: well, you could just write certificate II in there?
caller: oh. is that what you would call it? we couldn't work it out (laughs)
cm: errr. yeah. just write certificate II in there. we will know what it's for.
I'm just not sure that someone should be a security guard if they can't fill out a simple form and get their mum to call and find out the answer... like I said - mentally challenged and challenged by the mental.
cmx
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
post crash.
Abby sent me this photo of me from after the near death experience the other week... obviously text and alcohol helped my speedy recovery.
An open letter to Tuesday
Dearest Tuesday,
I think I have been unnecessarily harsh on you in the past. You are normally bland, unremarkable and almost torture. You lack the horror of Mondays (which makes them memorable, and I am allowed to complain all day on Mondays) and the sheer relief of Wednesdays (mid working week, etc). Recently, you have been almost the highlight of my week – and yesterday you were at your shining finest.
Thanks Tuesday, you taste like happiness and I won’t be so quick to judge you and put you down in the future.
Cmx
I think I have been unnecessarily harsh on you in the past. You are normally bland, unremarkable and almost torture. You lack the horror of Mondays (which makes them memorable, and I am allowed to complain all day on Mondays) and the sheer relief of Wednesdays (mid working week, etc). Recently, you have been almost the highlight of my week – and yesterday you were at your shining finest.
Thanks Tuesday, you taste like happiness and I won’t be so quick to judge you and put you down in the future.
Cmx
Monday, September 22, 2008
Eggs and Sammiches.
On Saturday night, All-Spark and I were minding our own business whilst walking to a bar. We were eating some sammiches and having a giggle when out of nowhere we were attacked by an egg, being thrown out of a passing car. Thankfully, it missed us both... but what the fuck?
What kind of moron thinks a good night out consists of driving around town pelting eggs and hapless sammich eating strangers?
Normally, this kind of thing doesn't really bother me. All-Spark was still in hysterics about it over coffee on Sunday afternoon which I suppose is the appropriate response to such a random act, but I can't help but take this attack a bit personally.
cmx
What kind of moron thinks a good night out consists of driving around town pelting eggs and hapless sammich eating strangers?
Normally, this kind of thing doesn't really bother me. All-Spark was still in hysterics about it over coffee on Sunday afternoon which I suppose is the appropriate response to such a random act, but I can't help but take this attack a bit personally.
cmx
Thursday, September 18, 2008
You're a nice guy Gary.
It was a beautiful sunny day, the bin across the road had caught fire which brought many a lovely fireman into my direct line of vision, my work colleagues were swell and all was perfect in my little bubble. It seems that it the sky clouded over, the firemen vanished and my little bubble was popped from the moment I stepped into a little restaurant in Malvern…
My telly-date (whom I shall name Gary Ablett from here on in) was late. I was made to wait around by the production crew even though it was incredibly obvious that I didn’t want to be there. I’m a punctual person, I like others to be punctual. I don’t like sitting in a restraint on my own for half an hour with a camera directed at me, catching my every pissed off glance at the door. Gary Ablett managed to make it to the date and apologise for being half an hour late (taxis, hair, clothing, diamonte belt buckle etc) and settled down with a beer. We had some idle chit chat for a while about nothing particularly exciting. The entire experience was so bland, I’m not entirely sure that I was there for it as I have little recollection of the hour and a bit we spent together. He made little effort to learn anything about me or my life (bar the requisite “so you have tattoos” conversation). To be honest, I am not sure that Gary Ablett really cared whether I was there or not. I could have died in his hotel room of an overdose (terrible joke I know) and his response would not have been dissimilar to his dear namesake. He spent a fair bit of time looking at the lights, eating squid and drinking beer. I spent a fair bit of time doing what I do best – overcompensating for an arrogant twit by being overly friendly, charming and interested in topics that normally make me want to lie down in a hotel room and… well, you get the hint.
After my date got up and left, I had to do my post date interview. I was 80% certain I would not be attending our rendezvous meeting scheduled for later that evening, but producers being producers decided it would make “like totally amazing television” if I was terribly undecided. So, We spent a lot of time filming me walk up and down the street looking torn (looking forward to my logie nomination later this year), and then I jumped into a cab and headed home. I had a beer and a bath, and tucked myself into bed for I was exhausted. I have to point out here, I was a little concerned that he might have turned up at the rendezvous point and that I was deliberately standing someone up, which made me feel pretty terrible. Not terrible enough that I didn’t sleep incredibly soundly last night but terrible enough to think about him for a moment and hope for the best.
This morning I had to go and do my post date interviews, I sailed through those and found out that Gary Ablett hadn’t turned up at the rendezvous meeting point either. It was not a feeling of rejection that passed through my body, but a massive sense of relief. I thought it was fantastic that we both felt that it was a pretty fucking terrible date and that neither of us thought that meeting again was a good idea. That whole “it’s okay buddy, the feeling is mutual” feeling sat with me so well, it almost warmed my heart.
So, I left my post date interview and stepped back out into the sun. Gang of Four was on my ipod, I had remembered my sunnies this morning and everything was settled again. I looked up, and Gary Ablett was crossing the road, heading towards me. We walked up to eachother with big smiles on our faces... I said “Hey Gary, I just found out that you didn’t turn up last night either!” he laughed and he said “Thank god, I felt terrible about possibly standing you up!” I replied with “No, It’s totally fine, there was no chemistry and the only reason I would have turned up was because I was worried about hurting your feelings." He agreed. We laughed, we hugged, high fived and wished each other all the best with the future and I wandered back to work with no ill feeling whatsoever.
Gary Ablett might have been a crap date, he might have been the complete opposite to what I am attracted to and we might have had nothing in common apart from the fact we are both the same species, but away from the pressure of the cameras and a barking producer he was a really nice guy, who was worried about hurting my feelings and wanted to wish me all the best. I hope he finds someone that can outdance him on the floors of Geelong’s finest nightclubs.
cmx
My telly-date (whom I shall name Gary Ablett from here on in) was late. I was made to wait around by the production crew even though it was incredibly obvious that I didn’t want to be there. I’m a punctual person, I like others to be punctual. I don’t like sitting in a restraint on my own for half an hour with a camera directed at me, catching my every pissed off glance at the door. Gary Ablett managed to make it to the date and apologise for being half an hour late (taxis, hair, clothing, diamonte belt buckle etc) and settled down with a beer. We had some idle chit chat for a while about nothing particularly exciting. The entire experience was so bland, I’m not entirely sure that I was there for it as I have little recollection of the hour and a bit we spent together. He made little effort to learn anything about me or my life (bar the requisite “so you have tattoos” conversation). To be honest, I am not sure that Gary Ablett really cared whether I was there or not. I could have died in his hotel room of an overdose (terrible joke I know) and his response would not have been dissimilar to his dear namesake. He spent a fair bit of time looking at the lights, eating squid and drinking beer. I spent a fair bit of time doing what I do best – overcompensating for an arrogant twit by being overly friendly, charming and interested in topics that normally make me want to lie down in a hotel room and… well, you get the hint.
After my date got up and left, I had to do my post date interview. I was 80% certain I would not be attending our rendezvous meeting scheduled for later that evening, but producers being producers decided it would make “like totally amazing television” if I was terribly undecided. So, We spent a lot of time filming me walk up and down the street looking torn (looking forward to my logie nomination later this year), and then I jumped into a cab and headed home. I had a beer and a bath, and tucked myself into bed for I was exhausted. I have to point out here, I was a little concerned that he might have turned up at the rendezvous point and that I was deliberately standing someone up, which made me feel pretty terrible. Not terrible enough that I didn’t sleep incredibly soundly last night but terrible enough to think about him for a moment and hope for the best.
This morning I had to go and do my post date interviews, I sailed through those and found out that Gary Ablett hadn’t turned up at the rendezvous meeting point either. It was not a feeling of rejection that passed through my body, but a massive sense of relief. I thought it was fantastic that we both felt that it was a pretty fucking terrible date and that neither of us thought that meeting again was a good idea. That whole “it’s okay buddy, the feeling is mutual” feeling sat with me so well, it almost warmed my heart.
So, I left my post date interview and stepped back out into the sun. Gang of Four was on my ipod, I had remembered my sunnies this morning and everything was settled again. I looked up, and Gary Ablett was crossing the road, heading towards me. We walked up to eachother with big smiles on our faces... I said “Hey Gary, I just found out that you didn’t turn up last night either!” he laughed and he said “Thank god, I felt terrible about possibly standing you up!” I replied with “No, It’s totally fine, there was no chemistry and the only reason I would have turned up was because I was worried about hurting your feelings." He agreed. We laughed, we hugged, high fived and wished each other all the best with the future and I wandered back to work with no ill feeling whatsoever.
Gary Ablett might have been a crap date, he might have been the complete opposite to what I am attracted to and we might have had nothing in common apart from the fact we are both the same species, but away from the pressure of the cameras and a barking producer he was a really nice guy, who was worried about hurting my feelings and wanted to wish me all the best. I hope he finds someone that can outdance him on the floors of Geelong’s finest nightclubs.
cmx
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
strange days
I don't have a lot of time today to write too much but some strange stuff has been happening.
here it is in point form.
* I just watched a bin catch fire.
* On Monday I witnessed a wheelie dumpster cross at a zebra crossing due to the wind. It was beautiful - almost like it was alive and had waited for the traffic to clear before it went to the market.
* A pidgeon flew at my face - I screamed.
* I am going on my 'tv date' (which currently sounds about as appetising as a tv dinner) in about half an hour.
* A friend and I both turned up at a gig dressed almost identically last night. little awkward...
more as more strange occurs.
cmx
here it is in point form.
* I just watched a bin catch fire.
* On Monday I witnessed a wheelie dumpster cross at a zebra crossing due to the wind. It was beautiful - almost like it was alive and had waited for the traffic to clear before it went to the market.
* A pidgeon flew at my face - I screamed.
* I am going on my 'tv date' (which currently sounds about as appetising as a tv dinner) in about half an hour.
* A friend and I both turned up at a gig dressed almost identically last night. little awkward...
more as more strange occurs.
cmx
Monday, September 15, 2008
Take Me Out.
Recently I have been spending a fair bit of time in a recording studio to be a part of a ‘reality dating style television show’ which, to be honest, is something completely out of character for me. Last winter, my anxiety was so severe I spent the entire season in lockdown at home, dancing to pulp and “working things out”, this winter I decided that applying for a reality television show might be a “fun idea.”I sent my application in as a bit of a joke, went to the audition as another bit of the joke and when I was told that I had been accepted as a ‘panel member’… well, it seems the joke was on me.
This show has taken up my weekends, weeknights, waking moments and not so waking moments. It has been pretty much all that has been discussed and dissected with my friends, co-workers and family for the last three weeks, to the point where I don’t even want to talk about it anymore – and it still hasn’t even aired. The show is awesomely lame, and if you don’t know much about it (please don’t ask me) check out the website www.ten.com.au/takenout to get a bit of an idea. I’ll write more about this as the questions elsewhere start to fade but it’s been an interesting experience for me. I have learnt a little bit about a whole world I didn’t know existed (fake tan, boutique, football, some song about apple bottom jeans and some boots with fur and pre mixed drinks), a bit more about how television works (recording, pause, applause, recording, pause, applause, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat) and a whole lot about myself. For anyone who is unsure of who they are – I highly recommend filling out an application form for a reality show.
I have a date on Wednesday from the show. He is younger than I am, studying to be a chiropractor, he is only a little taller than me, was wearing an orange shirt, and is possibly the most average Joe looking person (in the nicest possible way) that you could imagine. Watching his profiles, I couldn’t help but think “whoa, he is a genuinely nice, respectful person who comes from a good family, and has plans for his future.” Things I have never considered in my previous relationships (yes, we may be onto something). When it got down to the final round I was shocked (and I am sure they will edit this in) that there were only two girls left for him. You could have pushed me off my podium with your pointing finger because I was horrified that women would buzz him out because he was “too nice”. I wanted to throw a stiletto, stamp my feet and yell through my perfectly applied lip gloss “too nice?! Are you effing kidding me? All I have heard about for 4 days is how all men are such assholes, all of your horror relationship tales, how you want to be treated with respect and cared for and you buzz this guy out because he is too nice?! And you think the men are the problem…”
Regardless of how this date goes, I think I am pretty lucky to be have the opportunity to hang out with and get to know this guy. He might be the polar opposite to what I am (usually) attracted to, but I can think of far worse ways to spend my Wednesday afternoon with someone who is “too nice”.
cmx
This show has taken up my weekends, weeknights, waking moments and not so waking moments. It has been pretty much all that has been discussed and dissected with my friends, co-workers and family for the last three weeks, to the point where I don’t even want to talk about it anymore – and it still hasn’t even aired. The show is awesomely lame, and if you don’t know much about it (please don’t ask me) check out the website www.ten.com.au/takenout to get a bit of an idea. I’ll write more about this as the questions elsewhere start to fade but it’s been an interesting experience for me. I have learnt a little bit about a whole world I didn’t know existed (fake tan, boutique, football, some song about apple bottom jeans and some boots with fur and pre mixed drinks), a bit more about how television works (recording, pause, applause, recording, pause, applause, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat) and a whole lot about myself. For anyone who is unsure of who they are – I highly recommend filling out an application form for a reality show.
I have a date on Wednesday from the show. He is younger than I am, studying to be a chiropractor, he is only a little taller than me, was wearing an orange shirt, and is possibly the most average Joe looking person (in the nicest possible way) that you could imagine. Watching his profiles, I couldn’t help but think “whoa, he is a genuinely nice, respectful person who comes from a good family, and has plans for his future.” Things I have never considered in my previous relationships (yes, we may be onto something). When it got down to the final round I was shocked (and I am sure they will edit this in) that there were only two girls left for him. You could have pushed me off my podium with your pointing finger because I was horrified that women would buzz him out because he was “too nice”. I wanted to throw a stiletto, stamp my feet and yell through my perfectly applied lip gloss “too nice?! Are you effing kidding me? All I have heard about for 4 days is how all men are such assholes, all of your horror relationship tales, how you want to be treated with respect and cared for and you buzz this guy out because he is too nice?! And you think the men are the problem…”
Regardless of how this date goes, I think I am pretty lucky to be have the opportunity to hang out with and get to know this guy. He might be the polar opposite to what I am (usually) attracted to, but I can think of far worse ways to spend my Wednesday afternoon with someone who is “too nice”.
cmx
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